I stand in the strength of learning remembered.
By Grace I am strong enough to love deeply and well. Interesting that it took divorce to wake me from a passive state, but now I have opinions and tastes and desires and intentions.
Shall I dare to hope that my friendship with Suzanne will last forever?
I do
Dare I hope that someday our paths will cross more substantially than the current spiderweb of emails and phone calls?
I do
And do I hope that from the ashes will rise a phoenix, a marriage recognizably similar to the old and dead, but of a newly individual beauty?
I do
Hope is a risk that's worth the taking.
I believe God is more powerful than death. I believe this dead marriage can live again, better and stronger. I believe marriage is a life-long choice, a daily choice, a choice to love when I don't feel like it or I'm too tired or too hurt. We love because He first Loved us.
Before you rush to my rescue, accept my assurance that I have no illusions about the finality of divorce. My marriage is dead. Completely. I get that. I may have a better grip on the reality of the situation than you think. Thank you. I am where I mean to be.
I lift my hands in surrender. A couple weeks ago, God said to me,
"You know, there's a difference between throwing your hands up, and lifting your hands. Same range of motion, but one is quitting in frustration and the other is submitting to the requirements of victory."
What if God allowed me to lose my marriage so I could learn to love my wife? Is that too unconventional to ponder? Are not His ways beyond searching, Her ways beyond finding out?
Proverbs 25:2 It is the pleasure of God to conceal a thing, and the honor of kings to search it out.
2 comments:
The end of this story is even better than the beginning. The details of the rest of it...nobody knows but God!
By the way...I finally recorded some music. You can hear a few tracks at betis.multiply.com :)
Thanks for nagging me about this.
Dood...This 7 Part thing is some deep stuff. Me and my g/f have gone through some rough patches that resulted from me doing exactly what you did, and having to realize that I had not listened to her...Now I find, that when I listen to what she says (and even more...what her heart is trying to say), that things work better. Sure, it hurts when she gets upset with me, but I have to admit that she hurts more than I do, push that pain aside, and be that "Knight in Shining Armor" who withstands the pain of her comments, and charges forward to the tower of her heart and rescues the damsel in distress located within. I think that's kind of like the Aragorn moment you mentioned.
"I Do Not Fear Death."
God Bless,
-Pilgrim.
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